The Collapse of Parenting

October 19, 2015
Sax (Why Gender Matters), a physician and psychologist, positions this unpersuasive treatise firmly in an earlier generation’s mores, lamenting the “culture of disrespect” and “massive transfer of authority from parents to kids.” Haranguing parents to “do your job” and enforce decisions that may upset their children or make them unpopular with peers, he maintains that being both “strict and loving” is not only possible, but essential. Among other dire observations, Sax states that poor fitness and obesity among children have been exacerbated by allowing them too much choice, and that research biased in favor of ADHD diagnoses has enabled the “medicalization of misbehavior.” As remedial measures, he insists parents demand self-control, emphasize humility above self-esteem, teach kids to prize literature over video games, and make family-fun time obligatory so kids will look to their parents for connection and behavioral guidance before their same-age companions. Although this is positioned as a parenting book, Sax offers more old-school philosophy than practical guidance. He is likely to find supporters among frustrated grandparents seeing their kids failing life’s challenges, but his aggressively judgmental style and throwback values are unlikely to convert anyone actually in the midst of parenting children and teens in the 21st century.

October 15, 2015
A comprehensive breakdown of where parents have gone awry and how they can get back on track to teach virtue and character to their children. Family physician and psychologist Sax (Girls on the Edge: The Four Factors Driving the New Crisis for Girls--Sexual Identity, the Cyberbubble, Obsessions, Environmental Toxins, 2010, etc.) has seen countless patients and spent considerable time interviewing children and parents worldwide to find out why American children, in particular, have shown a decrease in achievement levels and psychological health. The author traces the issues back to the parents and places the blame for the steady slide toward bad behavior, disrespect toward elders, and a general inability to cope with controversy on the shoulders of too-permissive parents. Using interviews and data from his practice, Sax provides readers with real-time stories of children who throw temper tantrums, pick the school they wish to attend based on friendships rather than the effectiveness of the teachers, and give up after receiving one bad grade. Sax delves into the problems surrounding medicating children in the United States, particularly for bipolar disorder and ADHD, when sleep deprivation might be the real culprit. He also examines levels of obesity in the U.S., the overuse of video games, and why children who turn to their peers for advice are not receiving the appropriate instructions. After thoroughly analyzing where parents have gone wrong in the past 30-plus years, Sax provides a series of easy-to-follow solutions that help bring parents and children back to the same page, working toward a healthier, more respectful, and conscientious attitude. "It is the parent's responsibility not only to feed, clothe, and shelter the child," writes the author, "but also to acculturate the child, to instill a sense of virtue and a longing for integrity, and to teach the meaning of life according to the parent's best understanding." With the author's solid advice, parents have a good shot at achieving these goals.

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Starred review from November 1, 2015

Physician and parenting writer Sax gives parents a solid "D" in this look at current child-rearing trends and the implications for children's physical and emotional health. While much has been published about the individual problems of obesity, overmedication, falling grades, and the uppitiness of kids today, Sax wraps these issues up under the all-encompassing rubric of the transfer of authority from parents to kids, resulting in parents who have earned their child's contempt, not their love. From the "medicalization of misbehavior" (which shifts the burden of responsibility from kid to parent) to the lack of scheduled chores, Sax's treatise encourages parenting styles that make connecting with adults a higher priority than connecting with same-age peers and that parents command their children instead of asking. VERDICT Sax cites numerous international studies but identifies three problems as being uniquely American: a culture of disrespect, medication, and overscheduling. Parents who don't go on the defensive early will discover guidance for implementing a more authoritarian parenting approach, and their kids will be healthier because of it.

Copyright 2015 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

November 15, 2015
Why are so many American children disrespectful, overweight, falling behind academically, on medication, and emotionally fragile? Longtime family physician and psychologist Sax puts the blame squarely on parents. Basing his theories on cases from his practice as well as extensive visits to school in the U.S. and abroad, Sax argues that today's children look to peers rather than parents for guidance. Parents, in turn, are allowing even the youngest children to make decisions they're not prepared to make. Sax states that schools seem to focus on succeeding rather than learning how to live capably, and parents are friends rather than authority figures. His solutions include teaching old-time values, including humility (chores are a start), taking time to enjoy children as a family (vacations, home fun), and focusing on the meaning of life (gratitude, self-reliance). He advocates limiting social media and praising kids for effort rather than results. In our me first culture, Sax's ideas may be difficult to implement, but his guidelines are clear and well-supported.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2015, American Library Association.)